Not an Island
There
is a saying that no man or woman is an island. It seems though that when we
become Correctional Officers expectations change. It’s almost like we are
supposed to go from one day being "normal," sensitive people to the next being
tough, independent, cold, unfeeling. The unspoken expectation is that we must
become macho persons that never need support and don’t need anything to help
keep our sanity. Over the years I have watched people struggle with this
switch. Some have managed to cope successfully and some have not.
As a result of the macho image they carry around, some Staff come to believe
that it is wrong to seek counseling or to take anything prescribed to help
deal with the day-to-day stresses.
Problems can start out with just not feeling right. You find yourself getting
unusually grumpy with the spouse and kids. As time goes by you feel less and
less about anything or anyone. Is this something you can cure yourself? The
answer is, "Not very likely." These changes sometimes wind up costing you your
marriage, your job and, yes, sometimes even your life.
The problem is that you are scared to talk to anyone about how you’re feeling.
You don’t believe your wife or best friend will understand what you are going
through. You don’t think you can talk to the brass because you’re afraid they
will think less of you and look down on you. The same applies to your fellow
staff. And you think it will make you less of a person to talk to a mental
health provider or to listen to your doctor who may want to prescribe
something that will help keep you less stressed.
There are also stories going around that if you talk to a shrink you won’t get
out of his or her office before s/he calls your boss. This is not the way
things work, but who are you to argue with all the rumors?
Shrinks are not bad people. They will sit you down and tell you what they can
and can’t do. They will let you talk and talk and talk. There is no criticism
about what you tell them. They’re just trying to help you understand what is
going on with you. Yes, sometimes they will suggest you take something to calm
you down. Yes, I have talked to a couple and have found on the whole that they
can be very helpful. No, I didn’t mention it at work and I worked for a number
of years afterward.
Some people just have a chemical imbalance and their body needs help. Does
this make you a lower-class citizen unfit for the job? I think not. Does
taking care of yourself in a healthy way—by using prescribed medications—mean
you are a smart person? I believe so!
Sometimes we joke that divorce is a requirement for working at DOC. Only years
after corrections work cost me one marriage did I finally start to realize
that, No, I couldn’t handle it all by myself. No, drinking is not the
answer, even though I tried that route too after my divorce.
A person may go through their agency’s EAP for help or may go through
organizations like Desert Waters to find someone they can trust to reach out
to for help. If a person wants to only blow off steam they can call the Desert
Waters’ Corrections Ventline. No names given or requested. No Caller ID.
Of the many hundreds of staff I have worked with over the years, I have seen
very few who could handle the stress and strain on their own. The rest could
have used professional mental health help, but unfortunately didn’t seek it.
Do I think any less of them for it? No. But I am sorry that they held back, as
it sometimes cost them everything.
Your life matters. And your family deserves to have you happy and healthy. So
if you’re experiencing the blues, don’t be bullheaded. Reach out for help.
Take CARE,
The Old Screw
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