Have I Changed?
Have I changed so much just because I work in Corrections? I have heard this question asked over and over for 35 years and the answer is, YES. Let me count the reasons.
I work a job that I never know when I report for work whether I will see my loved ones again.
I never know if I will get put in a trick bag by the inmates or even by a fellow Staff member.
I work with some inmates that have committed horrific crimes.
I work long hours and sometimes even double shifts.
I work different shifts and must learn to get my rest when I can.
I explain over and over to family and friends, yes, I am home during the day but I have to rest. "No, my darling daughter, I cannot play with you now." "No, my dear spouse, I need sleep and can't do the honey do's now." "Yes, I know the game is on, my friend, but the rest is more important to me and I need it very much." "Yes, my dear, I know you are tired of living with a zombie and yes, dear, I know 'it's get another shift or another wife.'" (Believe you me, this does happen).
At least in today's Corrections it is sometimes easier to get onto another shift. In my early days, an Officer could work years before getting off of his assigned shift. And then there's the problem of unwinding after a shift. In another article I called this the need for Down Time. It is so hard for children and even your spouse to understand that sometimes after work you just need to be left alone for a while. You don't want to tell your family about seeing an inmate killed or how close it came to you being hurt. You can't subject them to the filth and sorrow you see each day.
And then there is the short saying that has so much meaning: YOU'VE CHANGED. You're not the loving, caring person I married. Tension, stress, anger, frustration, fear, death, blood, HIV, and God only knows what else just might have something to do with you changing.
Over the years I have met people who will tell everyone that Corrections doesn't brother them, that they leave it at the door and never take it home. The problem with this is that sometimes the home is now empty of loved ones who couldn't handle your “not changing.” But you can be happy. Now you don't have to answer to anyone and can come and go as you want. If you're dumb enough, there is always the booze, and if you are really stupid, then there are other drugs. Yes, I can say dumb and I can say stupid. When I lost my first marriage, I tried the booze scene. Guess what? It didn't help or work.
Take Care,
The Old Screw
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